She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
