Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
