I don't think brook has ever known best
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
