so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize