i just google imaged poop.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
