i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dicks are not precious.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
