why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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