I think I died a long time ago.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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