can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
