ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
