I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
