brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
