Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
