I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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