Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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