Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
