the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
