So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
