dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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