I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
ttyl tear gas
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
