If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
