I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
