yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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