Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
