I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis