so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes