i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know