its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.