i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
