At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
