I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
