dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
