We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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