Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
