My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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