today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
