That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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