I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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