dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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