then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
