He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
