i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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