I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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