I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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