I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
