fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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