We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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