By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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