So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
