Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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