i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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