I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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