nut hugger
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
