I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
not ubering you a puppy
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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