umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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