I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
