i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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