I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
