If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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