we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
