hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
