I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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