I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
