just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
