and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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