Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
