So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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