Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
