If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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