No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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