we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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