I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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