I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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