I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
