Will you blow on my dice?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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