Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
