Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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