Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
