It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
