I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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