I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
