if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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