The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
