You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
