Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
