"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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