I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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