Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
