He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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