is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
