I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
