i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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