I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
