why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
