i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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