Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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