tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its about making memories worth repressing
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
