i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
